Weapon
by Symee-Sama
Summary: Heero shook uncontrollably. This wasn't his fault, he told himself. It was the bastards that put those kids in there, but he could still hear screams, and looking at his hands, he thought he saw blood dripping from them. Some innocent kid's blood. 1xR


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing

Weapon  
By Symee-Sama

_Here by my side, an angel._  
  
Wings gleamed softly in the moonlight, the silence that surrounded the glade was broken only by muted clicking sounds. An angel lay in this tiny valley, one who had saved many lives in its day. Looking at it, Heero marveled at the beauty of such a machine, the sleek lines, the beautifully painted body, and the glowing white wings that helped to complete the idea of a guardian angel, a savior.  
  
He had saved the world with this machine. In fact, he had saved it twice, and now, he was saving it again, fighting more 'losing battles'. His eyes focused on the tiny computer screen in front of him,, Heero found that his mind was continuously being drawn back to the massive machine that he considered his. It had been called an angel on the news... They always associated it with something celestial and pure, but Heero knew better.  
  
He knew what this machine was capable of  
  
_Here by my side, the devil._  
  
Heero powered Zero up, shuddering slightly as the eyes flickered to life. He hated Zero's eyes. They took the angelic beauty away, replacing it with something more sinister, something evil. They seemed to sap the will out of him, beckoning Heero to the cockpit, telling him to join the fight.  
  
_No, Zero._ He thought firmly, trying his hardest to banish the temptation in his mind. _I have work to do._ He turned his back on the great machine, trying to block out the thought that it might be controlling him.  
  
Ignoring his uneasiness, Heero gathered his equipment, pushing it into the small storage compartment within the cockpit. It was stupid to let yourself be governed by superstition, it clouded the judgement.  
  
_Never turn your back on me._  
  
Anger rose in the young pilot as he stared at the colony information that flashed across the data screen. X-18999. _Why did it have to be you?_ He thought sullenly, realising that all aspects of his life kept returning to that colony, and briefly he wondered if that was where he would eventually meet his end.  
  
He had been abandoned there when he was little, he had watched the only father he knew die there. His hands shook as he typed in his acceptance of the mission. He would not let his fear govern him. There was a threat on that colony, and he would destroy it.  
  
This mission could be the one that ended the war.  
  
_Never turn your back on me, again._  
  
Checking over Zero one more time, he tried to shake off the feelings of loneliness that nearly overwhelmed him. _You won't be abandoned._ He scolded himself. _You have to do this_. Stepping into Zero, he closed the cockpit and smiled as that familiar golden light washed away all his worries, forcing him to focus on his mission.  
  
There was no doubt. No fear of being left behind. Heero was completely devoid of emotion as he input the destination. He was completely in control of himself. An image of a pretty young girl flickered in his mind before the golden light chased it away, and Heero smiled as Zero lifted off from the ground, his mind and his soul, empty of any conflict.  
  
He was free.  
  
_Here by my side, it's heaven._

Relena was terrified. She had been on a tour of the colonies, campaigning for the next election. She was going to be president of the Earth's Sphere. She knew that the polls showed nearly a billion more in her favour than the opposition, and didn't understand why her advisors had insisted that she make this tour. She wanted to reach the citizens of the colonies, but to tour every single one... It was ridiculous.  
  
Smiling inwardly at the irony of the situation, Relena strained against the pieces of twine that bound her hands. They were too tight. Already blood was running down her hands from cuts that the bonds had made. She had asked them to be loosened only once, and when a gun had been turned on her, she decided that the ropes weren't too tight after all.  
  
Wasn't it ironic how things worked out? Only yesterday she was complaining about the harshness of her schedule, and now she had nothing to do but sit around all day, and she wished that she were anywhere, but here.  
  
Her staff had been summarily executed. She was the only one left, and she was forced to watch as they dragged Mariemaia in front of the world once more as a figurehead. Relena gritted her teeth. There was no need to take the girl. Her life had been shattered when her grandfather shot her, she now relied on a wheel chair to keep her mobile.  
  
But she had never lost any of the determination that had helped her to take over the Earth's Sphere in the first place. She had never lost that optimism, that driving ambition. Relena smiled sadly at the teenage girl who slumped in her wheelchair. She wanted to be a doctor, but that would never happen now. These radicals were serious about their cause, and they would never let her go.  
  
_Or me._ Relena thought grimly. _They'll never let me go either._ As she inched her way closer to Mariemaia, Relena heard people shouting at her, but didn't stop. Not even when they pointed a gun at her face again.  
  
"She needs help," Relena informed the man caustically. "She's exhausted, and needs to rest." She laughed bitterly when the man informed her that it wasn't her concern. "All children are my concern. That's all I ever wanted, a safe world for children to grow up in. Why are you fighting against that?"  
  
The young man shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say to this bold woman. He knelt down beside her, slightly in awe of her commanding presence. "I'll talk to my commander, miss." Was all he said, and then he was gone, leaving Relena writhing on the floor.  
  
She didn't know what to do. Normally, she could talk her way out of most situations, but this time... it was if her pleas weren't even heard by the men. Usually, they walked past her without a word, not even looking at her. Her blood was all over her, but they still didn't look.  
  
_Heero,_ she thought, a strange calm settling over her as she pictured the stoic pilot in her mind. _What would you do? What would you do Heero?_  
  
Probably escape single-handedly, retrieve his Gundam, and blow the colony to smithereens killing all the radicals, but also killing many of the innocent people who were being held as hostages. No, Relena shook her head. There was no way that she would even consider that option.  
  
She would offer her life as a trade for the Earth's Sphere. She would die before she gave these rebels what they wanted. She would die peacefully, harming no one but herself. But what about Mari? A small voice in her head whispered. All she could do is wait.  
  
_Please,_ she thought desperately._ Please let it end quickly._

_Here by my side, you are destruction._

Heero smiled grimly as he noted the amount of mobile dolls coming his way. They were just throwing everything they had at him, weren't they? It didn't matter if the dolls killed him, if they did that was just an added bonus. They were trying to make him tired, trying to make him make a mistake.  
  
It wasn't going to work. He'd fought more battles than he could count, and he wasn't going to go down to mobile dolls. He cut through them easily, letting Zero rid him of all external distractions, and cut through them until he reached the one manned suit in the entire fleet.  
  
"Please no!" The man screamed, and Heero sneered in disgust. "I have a family! A wife! Two daughters! Please don't kill me."  
  
"If you didn't want to die," Heero began, his voice rising with every word. "Then you shouldn't be fighting!" The man screamed as the beam sword sliced through his mobile suit as if it were nothing, screamed as it cut him in two.  
  
Heero moved Zero away from the mobile suit, letting the explosion propel him closer towards the colony. He wouldn't lose. He wouldn't let anyone stop him. Even idiots that got involved where they had no business being.  
  
_He had a family,_ a small voice whispered within Heero's head. _And you killed him. Murderer.  
_  
Heero shook his head. This was war. People died in wars, it was unavoidable. What he had said was true. If the man hadn't wanted to die, he should never have gotten involved in the fighting. He smiled slightly as the monitors on his screen indicated that there were more mobile suits coming.  
  
_Here by my side, a new colour to paint the world._  
  
He sped towards them, slicing the first one open easily, ignoring the scream that came through his intercom. This was war, people died. He made his way to the second one, the mobile suit only making a half-hearted attempt to stop him, its movements clumsy and uncertain.  
  
Something was wrong. For the first time, he listened to the screams that came through his intercom, pushing back Zero long enough to figure out what was happening. Why weren't they fighting back? He destroyed another one, and listened to the scream as the pilot died. Fuck, his mouth went dry, as his mind began to process the sound he had just heard. That sounded like...  
  
His hands moved mechanically, maneuvering Zero towards another suit, and slicing it open. The screams that filled the cockpit were so bad that he was forced to cover his ears. Bile rose in his throat, but he forced it down.  
  
Kids. They were using kids to fight him...  
  
He placed a hand over his stomach. He was killing kids. He looked over at the other suits. There were at least twenty left, and he started to move away from them, when a shockwave knocked Zero to one side. He turned back to them, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he looked at the carnage around him.  
  
The mobile suits had self-detonated. Every one of them, and for some reason, he wasn't hearing or seeing children anymore. He heard Relena, and watched her die.  
  
_Never turn your back on it. Never turn your back on it again.  
_  
Heero shook uncontrollably. This wasn't his fault, he told himself repeatedly. It was the bastards that put those kids in there, but he could still hear their screams, and looking at his hands, he could swear that he saw blood dripping from them. Some innocent child's blood. He wrenched his gaze away from his hands, looking at the computer console that hummed in front of him.  
  
He could hear Zero calling him, reminding him that there was a mission to complete, but he pushed away the golden light, not wanting to lose control again. _You made me kill kids, Zero. I killed children.  
_  
Blood seemed to be filling the cockpit, and Heero slumped in the chair, the fact that he was strapped down the only thing keeping him from making the slow slide to the floor. _Kids._ He thought numbly. _Kids._  
  
Images of Relena flashed through his mind. _You didn't kill her. She's still alive, you didn't kill her._ And even as he said it, the scenes in his mind stopped on one thought. Relena stood in front of him, her hands shaking slightly as she looked him in the eye.  
  
_"You don't want to do this," her voice was soft, her eyes sad. "Please, Heero. Think of the baby." She jerked when he placed his hands on her, guiding her to the bed. Their bed. The one they had slept in, made love in... created their child in.  
  
"Don't tell me what I want," Heero sneered, pushing her down roughly. "You never knew what I wanted. You never cared."  
  
"That's not true!" She buried her face in her hands, desperate to save the life of her child, but still unable to force herself to turn away from the man who had helped her to create it. "Oh Heero, that's not true!"  
  
"You'll tell me differently?" He asked, an insane glint in his eyes. "You'll tell me that after you fucked the colonies delegate?"  
  
"I never..."  
  
"Shut up!" He aimed the gun at her heart, a small smile playing on his lips as he released the safety. "Say goodbye, Relena."  
  
She opened her mouth, and he stopped to note the shape of it, the colour of it, one last time. "I love you," she smiled slightly, a sad smile that shred his heart, and strengthened it at the same time.  
  
Heero's hands trembled momentarily, disconcerted by her smile, then regaining control of himself, he leveled the gun at her heart once more. "I love you too," he whispered as he pulled the trigger and his world shattered.  
_  
"No!" Heero screamed, clawing at his face in a desperate attempt to drive the images away. "No! No! No!" He heard a small voice, beckoning him to fight. "Will you make it go away?" He asked, trying to wipe away the tears that were leaking down his face. "If I fight will you make it go away?"  
  
He heard the answer, and nodded his head slightly. He could still see her, he could see her eyes widening in pain and shock as the bullet ripped through her, and he watched her fall to the bed, even as she died, her hand moving to protectively cup her abdomen.  
  
"I'll do it. Just... please, make it go away," Heero relaxed slightly as the golden light surrounded him, driving away his fear.  
  
_Here by my side, it's Heaven._

_Careful, be careful. Careful, be careful.  
_  
Heero stared at the screen, watching a news report of the situation on X- 18999. "Things have gotten ugly," the newscaster reported, "the Vice- Foreign Minister, and a young girl who has been identified as Mariemaia Kushrenada have been dragged out onto the platform, where the rebels have announced that they both will be shot in one section of the body, and then another until they die of blood loss.  
  
"Their demands are as follows: the complete surrender of the Earth Sphere Unified Nation, and it is to be delivered by the Gundam Wing Zero. Then, Wing Zero is to be handed over to the rebel leader, and its pilot executed.  
  
"Wing Zero's pilot, Heero Yuy, has been the Vice Foreign Minister's bodyguard for many years, but has recently gone missing. Rumours have sprouted over his connection with the rebels-" Heero switched off the screen, leaning back in his chair. It seemed that children weren't the only things they had to throw at him.  
  
His stomach twisted as he thought of what they would do to her. They were going to shoot her. Over and over again, and then leave her for dead. Anger rose in him, overwhelming his nausea. "Zero," he said quietly, a dread feeling settling over him. "Zero, help me. Tell me what to do."  
  
_This is where the world drops off.  
_  
That familiar golden light surrounded him, and he flew towards the colony, his laser sword drawn. He would destroy it. Destroy the entire thing, and then the world would be safe. Some would die, but on a whole, the world would be safe and everyone would be happy.  
  
_But would you? _A small voice inside him asked before he was able to push it away. _Would you really? Do you really want more innocent blood on your hands?_  
  
"I have to do this," he said to the air, "it doesn't matter what I want. It will save billions."  
  
_And at the same time, destroy everything.  
_  
He didn't understand what was meant by that. "I have to do this," he repeated fervently, as the golden light surrounded him, and lifting his beam sword, he brought it crashing down through the side of the colony, watching emotionlessly as people, adults and children alike were pulled into the deadly depths of space.  
  
_Where the world drops off._  
  
"Stop this, Heero Yuy."  
  
Heero's head snapped to the side, and faced the vid-screen. "And why should I do something like that?" He sneered, and cut another swathe from the colony.  
  
"We have someone very dear to you," the voice continued as if it had never been interrupted, "and we'll kill them if you don't stop your destruction of our colony."  
  
"Why don't you show me your face?" Heero asked, as he stared at the blank screen, his sneer still in place. "So I can know who to aim for when I come for you."  
  
"That's not necessary. Surrender yourself and your Gundam to us, and we will not kill the Vice Foreign Minister."  
  
"She means nothing to me."  
  
"Heero?" Relena's face appeared on the screen, and he reached up, tracing the lines of her face. They had treated her badly. Dark welts marred her face, and blood was still dripping from numerous cuts on her body. "Heero, please...." She held out a trembling hand to him. "Please don't come."  
  
Her head snapped to the side as a soldier hit her. "Don't come," she said again, barely managing to stifle her cry of pain as she was hit again. Over and over the blows came, driving her to the floor, and Heero's hands clenched into fists as the camera zoomed in on her bruised face. "Please..." she whispered as the vid feed cut out, and the man came on again.  
  
"You have thirty minutes," he said, and then he too was gone.  
  
_Careful, be careful._  
  
Zero taunted him as he flew towards the supplied co-ordinates. He couldn't leave her like that. He wouldn't leave her like that, but there was a side of him that knew that he had to. Would he really hand over the ESUN and the peace they had fought so hard to attain for one woman?  
  
The answer came to him quickly. He would do it in a heartbeat.  
  
But could he? Images flashed through his mind once more, almost blurred in their intensity. Heero saw the rebels taking over, saw the people dying in the streets and chaos ruling the ESUN. He saw children suffocating as the systems that supported the colonies collapsed. He saw people dying, hurting, and cursing him for handing over the most powerful Gundam in the universe.  
  
And he saw his friends dying. He saw Relena cursing him as Quatre was killed, heard Duo screaming over Hilde's body, and then shooting himself. He watched as Wufei died calling for his long dead wife, and Trowa whispered his sister's name before self-destructing his Gundam.  
  
"Is this what will happen, Zero?" He asked, his voice trembling slightly as he moved closer to the platform, landing just before it. "If I save her, is that what's going to happen?"  
  
No answer came. Zero was silent for the first time that day as Heero leveled his buster rifle at the platform, sending people running for their lives except for a few select rebels who remained, facing down the huge weapon. "We'll kill her!" The man screamed. "We'll kill her!"  
  
_You breathe in and breathe out._  
  
Heero closed his eyes, trying desperately to block out the images of Relena that had started to flood in. _Stop it, Zero!_ He thought desperately._ I have to do this! I have to!_ But even as he thought it, images overwhelmed him, and tears welled in his eyes. He could see himself; kissing Relena, whispering to her, and watching over her in the dark of the night.  
  
"It's a girl," she exclaimed happily, throwing her arms around him. "Oh, Heero! We're going to have a girl!" He swung her around, sure that everything was going to be alright now. He was going to be a father. He was going to have a little girl!  
  
And then there was now, with Relena held in front of rebel soldiers, a gun at her head, tears streaming down her face. And Heero knew that he wasn't crying for her, but for their child, and for Mariemaia, who was slumped in her wheelchair, seeming to not care about the situation anymore.  
  
"Heero!" Relena screamed, and was silenced by a quick blow to the head, and Heero's blood boiled as he stared at the man who had hit her, his finger twitched on the trigger, unsure of what to do when Zero overwhelmed him again...  
  
_For ain't it so weird, how it makes you a weapon._  
  
...and Relena was gone, it was like she had never been. Instead, Heero saw himself with a dark haired lady, beautiful as the setting sun. They were going to have a child soon, a little girl. Heero smiled despite the situation. He loved her so much...  
  
_She threw herself in front of him, shielding him with her body. "Don't hurt him!" She cried, the wind blowing her hair over her shoulders. She stared, unafraid at the braided youth who had a gun leveled at her heart. "What did he do to you?" She asked, and Heero stared at her in disbelief. Who was this girl to save him like this? He didn't even know her.  
  
"Relena?" He whispered, his eyes blurry and unfocused from the pain in his arm. "Relena is that you?"  
  
"No," she replied under her breath, so the braided youth couldn't hear her, and for the first time, Heero noticed that her hair was much darker than Relena's was, a shade of black that almost seemed to meld with the darkening twilight. "My name is Julie."  
_  
_And you give in and you give out._  
  
The woman who stood in front of him now invoked nothing more than pity in his heart. It was sad that she would have to leave this world at such a young age, but if her leaving would protect his family.... if her death would protect Julie and his unborn child, then he would sacrifice her without a second thought.  
  
And the girl, the one in the wheelchair. The computer identified her as Mariemaia, the one who had launched an attack against the Earth's Sphere after the Eve Wars had ended. Perhaps this was her punishment for her actions, people had died because of her greed.  
  
His gaze was drawn back to the blonde haired woman. _What was your crime?_ He wondered silently, ignoring the nagging feeling in his mind that he knew these two better than he knew. _Why do you deserve this fate?_  
  
He saw their faces contort in frustration and hurt as he aimed his buster rifle at the platform, the base this time. He would most likely kill the two women, frail as they were, but maybe one of the rebels would survive the blast, and could be used for questioning.  
  
"I can end your pain," he whispered to the video image, and pulled the trigger, watching as energy collected in the barrel of his rifle. His heart clenched as he watched it happen. The disabled girl's eyes widened as she realized what was happening, knowing what was going to happen.  
  
He looked once more at the blonde woman, and saw no horror, no fear in her eyes. Merely a disappointment, a resignation to her fate that tore his heart to shreds. He watched as she closed her eyes, both hands, now free as her captors attempted to flee, moving over her stomach as if to shield it...  
  
... and he watched, as their world exploded in a ball of fire, blood and debris.  
  
_For ain't it so weird, how it makes you a weapon._  
  
He opened the cockpit, taking the lift down to the ground, shaking his head slightly as if to clear the after effects of a drug... the fresh air of the colony cleared his senses, chasing away the lingering flashed of yellow light in his mind, and he remembered.  
  
His mouth hung slack at the realization of what he had done, not even able to weep for his loss, not even able to summon the energy to be angry, he wandered through the rubble. He passed one of the rebels, obviously alive despite his numerous injuries, and without breaking his stride, put a bullet in his head.  
  
_What does it matter?_ Heero thought as blood sprayed over his shoes. _What does any of this matter if she's dead?_  
  
He found Mariemaia in a crumpled heap, a growing puddle of blood surrounding her frail body. He dragged her against a pile of debris, closing her dead eyes, and arranging her hands over her stomach. She was dead, and the state of her body wouldn't affect her anymore, but it was the least he could do. After he had killed her, the least he could do was salvage her body.  
  
He pulled away from her, and for one bewildering moment, he wasn't on the streets of a colony any longer, but in the bowels of an underground base, and it was Relena she was lying against, not a pile of rubble.  
  
_"I thank you," she whispered, letting out a soft sigh as she surrendered to the darkness that called her, and Heero's gun shook slightly, his arm unable to support it anymore.  
  
"I have killed Mariemaia," he said quietly, knowing that she was alive, and would survive her mistake. "I will never kill anyone ever again." He glanced down at his gun, feeling it slip through his nerveless fingers to hit the floor. "I don't have to anymore."_  
  
But he did. He'd killed Mariemaia, just like he said he did, and then he'd killed... he'd killed... Relena. His mind refocused on his wife. She could still be alive. She might not be hurt... maybe her and the baby had survived...  
  
Just as he had known his lie in the destroyed base, he could taste the lie on his tongue now. No one could survive that. Especially not a woman who was four months pregnant. He spared one last glance for Mari, his heart dying a little more at the innocent look on her face. It was if she was only sleeping.  
  
"I have killed Mariemaia," he muttered to no one as he made his way through the rubble once more, killing any rebels that he found still breathing, and calling his wife's name. He heard her shout back, just once, and ran to her, cradling her broken body in his arms.  
  
"Lena?" his voice broke as her eyes focused on him, he could feel her life slipping away. "Lena, what have I done?"  
  
She muttered her name, and moved her hands. One to cover his hand, and the other to protectively cup her abdomen. "You did what you thought you had to," the pain made her voice harsh, and the tears streaming down her face broke his heart. "You saved the world, and... you..." This time it was Relena's voice who broke, her breath coming in short gasps. "You killed our baby girl."  
  
"Relena," Heero called, shaking her slightly. "Relena?" She didn't answer, didn't even open her eyes, and he knew she was dead, knew that he would never wake up next to her again, knew that he had destroyed everything he loved in this world.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered, pulling her close to him, and rocking her body back and forth. "I'm so sorry."

_Never turn your back on it. Never turn your back on it again._  
  
Duo stood on the bridge of the ESUN's newest battleship. He was uneasy with it all. the new rank he had been given at the start of the new war, this battleship with the bad-luck name, and the thought of his wife fighting again, protecting what she loved, but risking her own life.  
  
He smiled grimly at the thought of the battleship's name. They had named it _Hades_ perhaps to make him feel more at home. After all, he was the self- proclaimed 'god of death', but instead, the name only made him feel uneasy. He had stopped being the god of death a long time ago, and try as he might to become him again... he couldn't.  
  
His musings were interrupted by Heero; the other pilot's image flashing up on screen. "Major Heero Yuy, reporting in." His friend said in a listless tone.  
  
"I have destroyed the rebels base of operations on X-18999. Casualties were limited to the rebels themselves, and few civilians. Requesting medical assistance, and provisions for the citizens of this colony. Mariemaia Barton also did not survive her captivity on this colony." He paused, slumping slightly in his safety harness.  
  
"And Relena?" Duo asked, ignoring the affronted looks of his crew for calling the vice foreign minister by her name.  
  
"She is also deceased. I had a fatal lapse of judgement, but I will be unable to present myself to the ESUN for my reprimand." Heero smiled grimly, his eyes focusing on something outside of the camera's view.  
  
"Duo..." Heero looked back at his friend, tears forming unbidden in the corners of his eyes. "Goodbye."  
  
The screen went blank, and Duo tried in vain to call Heero's image back up again. What did he mean by goodbye?  
  
"Sir!" A young woman saluted sharply, fear in her eyes. "We predicted the route of the Wing Zero, and if it continues on its current course, it will fly straight into the sun."  
  
Duo looked from her to the blank screen, horrified. _No, no, no!_ "Heero!" He cried, managing to connect an audio feed with the Wing Zero. "Heero! Don't do it! For the love of God don't do it!"  
  
Tears streamed unheeded down his face. "Don't do it!"

Heero looked down at the intercom distractedly, Duo was saying something, but for some reason, he didn't care enough to focus on the words. They were unimportant now anyway... She was gone, and with her, went everything that mattered in this universe to him.  
  
He could feel Zero probing at the corners of his mind, but his grief was so great that he had no problem pushing the golden light away. "I don't need you anymore, Zero. I've made my choice."  
  
He looked out into the vastness of space, his eyes focusing on his destination. The sun... even with the light filters on, it was blinding in its intensity, and it would be an end for him. An end to the Zero System.  
  
"I don't need you anymore, Zero." He smiled, looking down at Relena's peaceful face. He had brought her with him. He couldn't bear to leave her behind, to be separated from her again. He could still hear Duo screaming over the intercom, and killed his audio connection with the _Hades._ He wanted to be alone with his wife.  
  
Here at the end of it all.  
  
_Here by my side, it's heaven._  
  
Author's Note: Just a little side fic while I worked on my bigger projects. For those who have read 'Fallen Angel' and/or 'Trapped Within Two Worlds', new chapters will be up by the end of the month, and I'm also working on the second installment of 'I Would Die For You'. I hope you liked my little fic. Credits go to Matt Good for the song 'Weapon'. If there are any comments or suggestions that you have, I would love to hear them.


End file.
